Two questions I received on the relationships between men and women:

Question: There is still the unresolved question regarding the behavior between men and women, all the conflicts between them as a model for all types of conflicts in any relationships: if this conflict is not resolved, there will be no resolution in all other relations.

In the modern world women are seeking to get equal with men - not in doing the same work, but getting the same acceptance as men who play their childish global games while women keep on doing all housekeeping, and we know that without this nothing will work in the world.

What is the aimed behavior of the future system here? And what does Mrs. Laitman think about Mr. Laitman in regard to this subject? One can see Mrs. Obama, Mrs. Clinton, but no one sees Mrs. Laitman!

My Answer: The war between the sexes is invented. The crisis will erase it and bring everyone back to their natural roles. And when we assume our natural roles, we will feel comfortable in life.

When I was studying with Rabash, Mrs. Laitman devoted much of her physical and emotional energy to taking care of my Teacher’s family, and she has always helped me in my path. And she continues to support me today!

However, “Kol Kvoda Bat Melech Pnima” (a woman’s greatness lies in her modesty) - she doesn’t want to advertise herself or be famous. She has no desire to entertain the public. She has children and grandchildren and is completely content with that!

Question: In one of your talks about men and women you said: “If we want to have a good, happy and successful family with good children, let’s correct our internality, which will then spread to the externality as well.” So, while we are still not corrected, why should we get married and give birth to children who will be miserable?

My Answer: So that you will have what to correct! According to tradition, a plate and a glass are broken during the engagement and wedding ceremonies, which alludes to the fact that we begin our path broken and uncorrected, and we must correct ourselves together in marriage (Zivug). Hence, a husband and wife unite so that the Creator will be revealed between them (Ish Ve Isha Ve Shechina Beynechem).

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Two questions I received on spiritual partnerships:

Question: Why does a man who studies Kabbalah need a woman, and how can he “use” her the right way?

My Answer: Every person in our world has:

1) Bodily desires for food, family, and sex;
2) Social desires for wealth, power, fame, and knowledge.

The desires for family and sex are realized with a partner, either with the intention to receive pleasure egoistically, or with the intention to realize them as a commandment, or in other words, in order to attain the Creator.

The desire for spirituality is formed by the female and male parts of humanity as a whole. All men are like Adam and all women are like Eve. Therefore, one needs to see one’s partner in life as a partner on the spiritual path as well. It is possible – and good – if your partner cooperates with you in this regard.

Question: What are the best articles to read to your wife if she wants you to?

My Answer: The parts of Baal HaSulam’s and Rabash’s articles that are interesting to both of you.

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Articles by Baal HaSulam
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Questions I received on marriage, family, abortion, and jealousy:

Question: Today, when people’s life expectancy is so long, it seems unlikely for people to stay married just once. How can a couple live together for so long and stay happy?

My Answer: Everything depends only on your willingness to give in to each other.

Question: My husband is turning 45, and I would like to get him involved in Kabbalah. Where should I begin?

My Answer: Leave him alone! He lives with you, so I think that by now he has heard about Kabbalah many times. If he’s not interested in it, then stop trying to “educate” him. This big egoism of yours is only harming you. You should love your husband as a person. His time to grow spiritually will come when the time is right for him.

Question: Why is it that even though the Jerusalem Temple doesn’t exist today, it’s still forbidden for a Cohen to marry a divorced woman?

My Answer: This isn’t a question for me, because Kabbalah is the method of revealing the Creator to a person in this world. Kabbalah deals with one’s spiritual ascent, rather than one’s earthly well being.

Question: What is your opinion on abortion?

My Answer: I’m usually against it.

Question: Is jealousy just another manifestation of egoism?

My Answer: Jealousy is the same as greed.

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A question I received: My wife was victim of a maniac: she suffered physical and sexual abuse. How can I help her in this moment of pain and despair? What can I do if she doesn’t like to hear or see a thing about Kabbalah? What can I do now, when she is at risk of getting HIV and other diseases, like HPV, syphilis, and hepatitis? I don´t know what to think or do. I know I have to continue to study Kabbalah, but my depression has no end…

My Answer: You should only rise above your animate body, live higher than your body - both of you. Then you will reveal the cause of what happened.

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Questions I received on relationships:

Question: What does a man look for in a woman?

My Answer: “Consolation” (fulfillment), as it says in the Torah (Beresheet 3:23): “Because she comes from me.”

Question: Should she be pretty and quiet, or should she just be herself?

My Answer: She should have everything necessary to complete “Adam.”

Question: In one of your articles you recommend your regular students to dedicate fifteen minutes a day to their wives. Is this so, and if yes, then what is the reason for it?

My Answer: Kabbalah obligates people to dedicate a specific amount of time and attention to their spouses. People today are busier than ever before, and hence we’ve set a rule in the group that besides taking care of the home and children, spouses have to sit down together and calmly talk for at least fifteen minutes a day.

What about you, are you able to speak with your husband calmly and on a daily basis? Does this ever happen?

Question: I got divorced two months ago. In a TV show you said that you are against divorce. I did everything to prevent it, but I’ve read some books and I know that Kabbalah says that sometimes people get married and have children, but their union is not “meant to be.” People get divorced and then find their proper match, someone who’s meant for them. Is this true?

My Answer: Kabbalah does not forbid divorce, especially in cases when one’s married life prevents one from attaining the purpose of one’s life in this world - the goal of creation. However, in other cases, it’s usually best to avoid getting a divorce.

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Two questions I received on why women don’t stay loyal to their partners:

Question: My girlfriends and I have been wondering why one man is never enough for a woman? Why is it that even if he studies Kabbalah, she loses interest in him after a while and starts looking for someone new? Isn’t monogamy natural for a woman? As a wife and a mother, isn’t she supposed to be faithful - a loyal companion for her man? So where does this desire come from to be with new men all the time? What should a woman do with this desire, and how can she change so as to be in harmony with nature?

My Answer: I think that you are disillusioned in your men. Apart from the minimal corporeal needs, fulfillment can only be spiritual. So find a man with whom you can study the book Shamati – and you will never leave him!

Question: Could you please comment on the following news report from Ethology.ru: The managers of the IllicitEncounters.com dating website made an interesting observation. In their opinion, the economic recession and men’s bankruptcy is causing more married women to register on their site in order to find extra-marital affairs. This phenomenon opens up a broad field for further research on how a woman instinctively behaves in the areas of family and intimate relations.

My Answer: The phenomenon is indeed instinctive, egoistic, animate, and natural. There is nothing strange about it. A female chooses a partner by his ability to provide for her and her offspring. In the animal kingdom, the female chooses the partner by his strength, rather than how handsome he is or because he has a “good heart” – the way people do in the movies.

Egoism is our only force. If you want something else instead, then ask the Creator to give you the opposite force – the force of bestowal. There are no other forces in nature!

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Questions I received on family, relationships and Kabbalah:

Question: Can your wife who studies Kabbalah be your friend? Can you attain the Creator with her? If not, then what does “Man, Woman and Divinity between them” mean?

My Answer: She can! The real meaning of the phrase “Man, Woman and Divinity between them” is that the soul’s desires (the woman), together with the screen and the Reflected Light (the man), form a Kli (vessel). This is the condition for uniting with the Upper Light. The Light, the Creator, becomes revealed in their connection, called Zivug.

However, the same thing can be true in our world: when the husband studies, he automatically provides spiritual support to his corporeal wife, even if she doesn’t study on her own. And if she desires it, then he is obligated to study with her. Then they will advance together. Rabash used to speak about this to his students, advising them to read his articles to their wives.

Question: Can man a learn to be truly faithful to his wife through self correction and attainment of spirituality?

My Answer: This is not Kabbalah’s objective. Nevertheless, a person changes as he gradually goes through the corrections.

Question: I’ve been single for three years. When I try to date someone, the relationship ends because I am excessively focused on the world of Kabbalah. What is the Creator trying to tell me?

My Answer: Finding a partner means finding someone similar to you - someone who is also focused on spiritual life and the spiritual goal. Please contact our dating department.

Question: You say that a man must be married to study Kabbalah effectively. What about someone who can’t create a family due to being born with a disability?

My Answer: If your disability prevents you from running a normal household with a woman, then this condition doesn’t apply to you. However, I find it practically impossible to imagine a case where it’s impossible to create a family.

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News Report (from NewScientist and newsru.com): New research shows that polygamists live on average seven years longer. Ecologist Virpi Lummaa and colleague Andy Russell (University of Sheffield, UK) analyzed longevity data on 189 countries from the World Health Organization, taking into account a country’s gross domestic product and average income to minimize the effect of better nutrition and healthcare in monogamous Western nations. They found that men from countries that practice polygamy live much longer than in monogamous nations - 12% longer.

But women also live long, even longer than men! According to Cedrik Puleston, a demographer of Stanford University, there are two hypotheses seeking to explain male and female longevity. Women live longer because they become grandmothers and have to take care of their grandchildren. Menopause “frees” them, enabling them to start educating children. Men, on the other hand, live long because they marry younger women and are influenced by female longevity.

My Comment: Why do people live long? The human being is a unique creature in the animal kingdom, because he continues to live long beyond reproductive age. Human longevity is unnatural - people shouldn’t live past 45-50 years. In women, climax and menopause is a transitional period from sexual maturity to the elderly period, and just like with men, it means that there is no reason for people to keep on living – other than to attain their higher purpose!

The fact is that people have to develop their egoism, in order to then understand that it is evil and evoke the force of correction by studying in a group. They have to cross the Machsom and overcome the 125 degrees until the full correction. This takes many years of serious effort, and this is why in our era - the era of correction, Nature (the Creator) has made human lifespan as long as necessary for people to complete their higher mission during their lives!

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A question I received: A few months ago I started studying Kabbalah with the Ari Online classes for beginners. I am proud to say I have already watched twenty two lessons! I’m now beginning to understand that I need a group and a teacher in order to gain a better perception of the study material (I already have the books). The problem is that my wife is opposed to my studies, and our relationship is very uneasy at the moment, although I am doing everything I can to save our marriage. I have registered for the Congress that will be held in the United Kingdom from the 7th to the 9th of November, but my wife is absolutely against me going. She believes that family bonds are much more important than my studies, or my “hobby,” as she likes to call it. What should I do? How can I explain to her that I need to study Kabbalah and attend the Congress?

My Answer: If she sees that you love her, but you also have something else that’s important to you in this life, then she has to come to terms with it and accept it with love. If she doesn’t, then what kind of a friend and companion is she, if she egoistically wants to dominate over your entire life? It is written, “A man can sacrifice everything in this world, except his soul,” because one’s soul belongs to the Creator, and he is obligated to return it to Him (to grow close and adhere to Him through equivalence of form). This is the only case when a man would be justified in getting a divorce - if staying married will mean that he has to live in this world in vain.

Test yourself and the Creator, for He is one, and everything comes from Him. If you are serious about the path you have chosen (and I emphatically stress this point) and are willing to leave your wife for it, and if you have explained it to her and she still doesn’t concede, then she’s not the right life partner for you.

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