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Two questions I received on handling relationships

Question: What do I need to do to stop seeing only those things that separate me from other people? It is difficult for me to see the good deeds that people do; I get stuck on their bad deeds, even though I realize that this disconnects me from my friends in the group. I must mention that this mainly happens in relation to men, including my husband. Even though this also happens with women, but when it comes to women I manage to find balance. What should I do?

Question: In one of your talks about relationships, you said that when a couple has a disagreement about something, the best thing to do is keep quiet and not argue, and this silence will lead to a new understanding of one another and a new level in your relationship. You will also set an example for your partner. Can you please talk about this some more? This is a sore spot in my relationship, and I think that there are many couples going through this.

My Answer: Staying silent in an argument, compromising, causes your partner to react in the same way. Compromising leads to union and understanding, an understanding that we need to unite over our egoism. In such a way, we develop respect for one another, even for each other’s weaknesses, and understanding of each other’s nature, and this, in turn, leads to love, regardless of the obvious uncorrected properties of each partner. It says in King David’s Psalms: “Love covers all sins!” That is, the sins still remain, but the two of you learn to rise over them and unite there.

Related Material:
Article: Relationships - The Purpose of Creation
Article: Relationships - Man and Woman
Article: Relationships - A Woman’s Nature
Article: Relationships - Family
Article: Relationships - Upbringing
Article: Relationships - Concerning Love

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A question I received: Why is it that during the period of concealment, you feel as though you’re in a dark room, receiving punches from every direction? It’s as if the Creator is waiting for you to fall into frenzy, or apathy… And all this happens in spite of all the work you’re doing in dissemination and the group. Is this, as the Russian proverb says, “Love her like your soul, punch her like a punching bag” (meaning, “those we hurt the most are often those we love the most”)?

My Answer: That’s absolutely correct, “I love her like my soul, so I punch her like a punching bag,” because your egoism has to be punched out of you, or you punched out of your egoism, so that you’ll want to part with it no matter what. The unpleasant states are precisely the states that push us out of the common egoistic swamp, to the Creator.

“The Creator spares no blows for those He loves” - this is widely explained in Kabbalah, and no Kabbalist hides the fact that “the true path to the rose is through the thorns” (through the thorns to the stars), and not through buying a fifty dollar red string or through meditating in order to relax.

 

 Lesson on the Article "What Is the Difference Between a Shade of Kedusha and a Shade of Sitra Achra" [53:14m]: Play Now | Download

 

 Lesson on the Article "What Is the Difference Between a Shade of Kedusha and a Shade of Sitra Achra" [53:14m]: Play Now | Download

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A question I received: You hold interviews with famous people who have found their place in life. They take up important positions thanks to their high level of egoism. However, you’re using their popularity to disseminate and advertise Kabbalah. I don’t understand: How can you combine Kabbalah and a person’s career? Can a person aspire to have a high position in society and study Kabbalah?

My Answer: I think that in the future, humanity will still need to work in different trades and sciences. If we do this with an intention of love, to benefit people, it will then only bring us even closer to the Creator.

 

 The Question of Taking Money for Supposed "Spiritual" Offerings [02:48m]: Play Now | Download

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A question I received: Whenever I recommend Kabbalah to someone, I do it on the basis of my personal sensations and experience. I feel a loss for words because I’m talking about sensations that can’t be put into words. The more I study, the more I realize that this is such an intimate path, and that this inner path can only be explored by someone asking “What’s the meaning of my life?” – one who has come to strongly feel that there’s no fulfillment in the material world. I find my meaning only from sensing clearly that this world has nothing more to offer. So how can I spread this to the entire world?

My Answer: Many people feel that the world has nothing more to offer them, so help them!

(Continuing the question) I think that the only thing I can do is give people the exalted words of Kabbalists, and nothing more than this - that they’ll touch whoever they touch. I understand that this is something we need to do, but I don’t know what to do about not being able to say anything about it.

My Answer: Imagine that you’re speaking to the person’s point in the heart, their desire for spirituality.

Another question I received on the topic of dissemination: I understand the “top of the pyramid” concept, where the smallest minority of people in the world have the highest quality of desires, i.e. those for spirituality. But at the same time, all the other levels of the pyramid are needed too. So what is the purpose of dissemination? Is it only for personal progress past the Machsom?

My Answer: In our era, personal progress is impossible without all souls moving toward unity as one whole. The entire pyramid has to be pulled upward. When you acquire the property of love and bestowal, then you disseminate for the sake of those whom you love.

 

 What Is the One Thing We Want from Our Dissemination of Kabbalah? [03:03m]: Play Now | Download

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Two questions I received in response to my post “On Love”:

Question 1: When I do not feel that my relationship with my friends is based on love, is it because my attitude towards them isn’t as it should be?

My Answer: Of course, it depends only on you.

Question 2: If love is only possible between the Creator and man, how is it possible to know when the Creator is among the creatures’ relationships?

My Answer: You discover it through your love for Him.

Related Material:
* Practical Advice by Rabash

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A question I received: Looking at Bnei Baruch, it’s clear that you practice “love for thy neighbor.” However, you do so only inside your group, and not toward the whole world. Why? Isn’t that similar to a cult?

My Answer: The Kabbalists of the past, our great teachers, provide us with strict and detailed instructions on how to arrange our studies, our life, and our attitude to ourselves, our friends, society, and the world. Naturally, we study and need only their advice, because besides them, no one else understands the Creator, the world in which we live, and the path that we are to walk.

And about the accusations that we’re a cult: some people benefit from it, and are thus ready to tar our reputation in any way possible. These are especially people who feel like they’re losing their stable grounding, because they’ve discovered that regular religion is inadequate, but they are still unwilling to replace it with Kabbalah.

Today, people aren’t the simpletons they once were, and as such, the attitude displayed by our critics only shows their ignorance in understanding the Creator’s Plan, and their rejection of the Torah as the method to correct man’s egoism. Could you show me anyone, besides Bnei Baruch, who also explains the necessity of “loving thy neighbor as thyself” as the main principle of the Torah? What other society have you seen that educates people according to this principle?

As for displaying an attitude of love only for our friends – we have the same attitude to anyone who’s moving toward the same goal; this is what makes a person our friend. And as much as every person will want to move toward the same goal, then anyone who wants to will be included in this principle and in our attitude of love!

Baal HaSulam. Igeret (Letter) 49 (1927). Pri Chacham: Igrot (Fruit of Wisdom: Letters).

I am giving you assignments, obligating you to carry out all my instructions in the observance of Torah and Mitzvot [1] properly and with dedication. I direct you to dedicate all your strength to loving others as yourself, to suffer when your friend suffers, and to feel happy when your friend is happy.

As for the love between you, I am talking precisely about the love between friends in our Kabbalistic group, since it is written, “to love thy neighbor.”

[1] Baal HaSulam considers love for one’s friend, for the sake of attaining love for the Creator – to be the main precept in the observance of Torah and Mitzvot.

 

 Lesson on Pri Chacham, letter on p. 49 [19:47m]: Play Now | Download

 

 Lesson on Pri Chacham, letter on p. 49 [19:47m]: Play Now | Download

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A question I received: You once said: “Egoism’s growth doesn’t allow for romance. Today, romance no longer exists and it isn’t going to coming back. Instead of a husband, today’s egoism demands the Creator!” Here lies a serious problem. In order to start a serious relationship with a woman, one has to as if, skip something. In the past, a man would meet a gentle and fragile girl who brought out the strength within him, and whom he wanted to take care of. These instincts kicked in automatically. Today, we don’t meet “gentle women.” The women today have turned into aggressive hunters. How does one develop a desire to fulfill a woman?

My Answer: It’s time to shift your attention to the Creator, since as you can see, women no longer need it.

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A question I received: Why did the Creator create earthly love between a man and a woman? What does it teach us? What are we supposed to do with it?

My Answer: It’s is a result of a relationship in the Upper root, ZA (Zeir Anpin) and Malchut of Atzilut, which we need to attain. In reality, we are all wives in relation to the Creator, or in other words, we all desire to receive pleasure from Him.

Related Material:
* On Love and Marriage - discussion between M. Laitman and Kabbalah Academy instructors Michael Sanilevich and Eugene Litvar.

* Relationships - by M. Laitman, Kabbalah on the purpose of creation, man and woman, a woman’s nature, family, upbringing, drugs and love.

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Murphy’s Law: Murphy’s Law states that if something can go wrong, it will definitely go wrong. This law has many variations: If you drop a slice of bread, it’s sure to fall butter side down; the change in the cash register will always end just before it’s your turn; if you just washed your car, then it’ll start raining, and so on. People think that Murphy’s Law is nothing but folk wisdom, which ironically portrays our perception of the world. However, this law stems from real “wrong” things happening to real people.

The Law of the Torah: How do Kabbalists feel about the law that they discover? In my blog post “Klipot (Shells) - Harmful and Helpful (Advanced),” there is an explanation about the role of evil (Klipot), stating that everything takes place with the aim of bringing humankind to correction, either by way of good or evil, i.e. according to how one perceives good and evil. There’s just one force operating in nature, but it manifests in different ways depending on how we act. When we aim our actions at the goal of creation, this force helps us. On the contrary, when we aim our actions in opposition to those of this force, it holds us back.

Moreover, this force (of the Creator) that helps everyone who aims themselves at the goal of creation, also creates disturbances for them, which helps them develop by motivating them to move faster toward the goal. In Kabbalah, Murphy’s Law, the law on the level of our world, manifests as the law of the Upper World: “There is none else beside Him. He is good and does good!”

 

 Lesson on Shamati article #1 - "There Is None Else Beside Him": Play Now | Download

 

 Lesson on Shamati article #1 - "There Is None Else Beside Him": Play Now | Download

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A question I received on my post Our Planet Is Only as Big as a House!: In the U.S. there are a great multitude of cultures and ethnicities living among one another. Though each is obviously interconnected and relies on a certain level of interdependency for collective survival, racism (particularly between European descendants and African descendants) is very much a strong reality here. This can be seen in the topics that repeatedly emerge in the midst of this presidential election. How does Kabbalah interpret this? What is at the spiritual roots of this corporeal tension between lighter and darker people?

My Answer: People dislike those who are different from them. This is the way our egoism is. There is a law of similarity in nature according to which similar objects are attracted to each other, regardless of their properties’ level of similarity. Only by correcting egoism, and making full use of it, will we reach the point where people will stop noticing the differences between various properties and objects. This is because the correction of egoism lies not in its elimination or replacement, but in using it differently – where everyone can express themselves to their fullest, and the only change is in the aim of their expression. Instead of aiming their expression at themselves, they aim it at our common goal of adhesion with the Creator - the quality of bestowal and love, above our nature. When such a change happens, people no longer have anything to complain about: the past opens up to them and they see that there was never anything that depended on them… they see that “love covers all sins.”

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