Question: What kind of marital union can keep a family from falling apart? What are the roles of the woman and the man in such a union?

Answer: There must be proper upbringing. No matter what happens, throughout your life, thousands of different situations and adventures may occur with each of you, but you know that you have a family, and it is your obligation to support them and stand by them. As long as you live, you must take care of them. That is first and foremost. As for feelings, well… What feelings? You cannot build anything on feelings alone.

Comment: You have said more than once that a man looks for his mother in a woman.

My Response: That is true. A man looks for something of his mother in a woman. And if he finds it in her, that ensures his attachment to her.

Question: So, if a woman understands that he is looking for his mother, does that make the union work?

Answer: Yes. That is why it is said in the Torah that our forefathers would bring their brides into, say, their mother’s tent. And the brides would live there. And after the bride had lived with her mother-in-law for a while, the man would marry her.

In other words, she learned from his mother how to take care of him, what to do with him, what he likes and does not like, how his mother cooks, how she does everything, and so on. She watched everything and learned.

Comment: So she learned to be a mother to her husband. That is certainly a paradox.

My Response: How is that a paradox?

Comment: She came there not to learn how to be a wife but to learn how to be his mother.

My Response: You cannot imagine how attached a man becomes to a woman then. If she reminds him of his mother, he will look at her like a child does! He will constantly catch his mother in her.

Question: And he will never want to get divorced?

Answer: Never! How could he get divorced? Leave his mother?

Question: So, you do not abandon your mother?

Answer: That is correct.

Comment: And what about the phrase a wife says: “Go to your mommy! I am not your mother! Let her bake your pies for you!”

My Response: You see what kind of arguments people make! “I am not your mother!” That is the problem.

Comment: And there must be a high percentage of divorces because she does not take on this role of being his mother.

My Response: She must understand that the only way to keep him, to make him hers, is this way! There is no other way. It is written in the Torah, written in the Bible, simply in black and white.

Question: So, maybe you are telling us the secret behind all divorces right now, and we do not need any psychologists?

Answer: This is the secret of clear-cut relationships. Until the end of his life, a man will see his mother in his wife and will never run away from her.

Question: And what is the man’s role in the family, then?

Answer: If he is attached to her, what more is needed?

Question: So, this is her security? Is that what she seeks in him?

Answer: Yes. Nothing else. He will do everything to make her happy. He will give her compliments every day.

Question: And he will earn money and work?

Answer: He will do everything, of course. I know this for sure. This is human nature.

Question: What does a woman need from a man? Is it this sense of security?

Answer: First and foremost, attention. Attention to her, to the children, to the home. So, once you get married, that is it! The bride goes to live with her mother-in-law and learns from her all about her son’s weaknesses. And she learns how to deal with him as a woman. Here and there, she knows how to say or do something that reminds him of his mother. He falls for it immediately, instantly, and forever.

Comment: And he will do everything she wants.

My Response: Yes. He needs this. A man does not give birth; he remains a child, and that is what wins him over.

Question: So he remains a child? All the time? Even when he is 70 or 80 years old?

Answer: It doesn’t matter!

Comment: People will not exactly be outraged, but they will ask: “What about the man? It is all about the woman, the woman.”

My Response: The man must provide everything the woman requires. Nothing more is needed. That is in the material sense. But spiritually, everything is different—the opposite.

In other words, the man’s spiritual development is not the family’s concern. It is not. It is a privilege, a prerogative. I don’t know how to put it. It is solely his personal choice. In this respect, he is the man and the head of the family. But this is regarding spiritual development. As for the material side—the woman.

In spiritual development, the man is in charge; in material development, the woman is in charge.

Question: If the man is in charge of spiritual development, then is the woman’s role to give him the opportunity to work on his soul?

Answer: Yes, of course.

Comment: And then he will also provide her with everything she needs.

My Response: Twice as much!
[359840]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/16/26

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Question: There are still solid marriages. For example, I have been married for 38 years. You are already approaching your golden anniversary.

Answer: Indeed. But I live between my wife, children, and my group. This is not a normal life either. I cannot be an example. Especially given my natural characteristics.

But divorce, I have never even considered it. I never thought that I could get divorced and leave my wife and children. No. I bought an apartment, transferred it to my wife. It is only in my wife’s name, not in mine. I have nothing at all! Seriously.

I took care of the children so that everyone was provided for, got an education, a home, and everything else. Getting married is a must! So I would be able to do my work in peace. That is all; the most important things.

If you have children, you must take care of them. Children are the most important.

Question: Is divorce a disaster? The child feels that he does not have a father or a mother.

Answer: The child suffers from the absence of either parent! Mom or dad. Of course, mother’s absence is worse. But still, so is the father’s. It leaves its mark. This is not forgiven!

Children consider their father’s departure from them as a betrayal, as a divorce from them. And they do not forget that. They cannot. That is, they feel that Dad has left ME. And this, of course, is very difficult.

Question: What if the love is gone?

Answer: What love?

Comment: They say: “Love is gone.” That is how people justify themselves.

My Response: Where did it go? I do not understand that word. I only know one thing: if people live together, if they are normal people, if they are more or less understanding and well-mannered, they can create conditions where they are comfortable together. Not great, they are not happy, but they are comfortable together.

Question: So, they form an alliance of convenience?

Answer: Of course! And what is marriage in the first place? Joint household! When you believe you can support each other, help each other, and are satisfied with that. That is first of all. And everything else, if you mean sex, it changes for a person every few years in other directions.

After all, we all live five times longer today than people did 200 years ago. Not to mention 1,000 years ago.
[359896]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 7/27/26

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Question: Wherein lies our wisdom, our maturity? I mean, our growing up seems to be that when we give something to another person, we give them not the best and keep the best for ourselves. Why does this happen?

Answer: Because our egoism inevitably turns everything upside down.

Question: Are we aware of this?

Answer: We are aware of it. I even remember this from my own experience. When I was about two years old, I also behaved this way, I would give away the best. But then I felt compelled to spoil it. Someone gave me two postcards and told me to give one of them to my cousin. I didn’t know which one to give because they were both beautiful, colorful, bright, and attractive. I had to do something to one of them. So, I bent a corner, rubbed it a little, and then gave it to her. I was already wiser.

Question: But did you understand that you were deliberately damaging it so that you could give it away without any problem?

Answer: So that I would know which one to give. Otherwise, I couldn’t choose between the two.

Question: Does it become more frightening as we advance?

Answer: Of course!

Question: When does this feeling arise: “What am I doing?! How can I do this?!”

Answer: You have to study a lot and learn from examples. It isn’t simple.

Question: But does this realization come to a person, or might it never come?

Answer: It depends on the person.

Comment: So perhaps it does come, and then he is horrified to discover that he always wants to give others the worst.

My Response: Yes. You see, I still remember this example to this day.

Question: It really enters the heart, apparently.

When a person understands this and feels, “This is what I am like, and I don’t want to live according to this nature,” what should his actions be? Suppose I realize that I always give others the worst.

Answer: If this is already changing within a person, and he begins to become aware of it, then this is already the road toward correction, toward self-examination, and so on. That is already something significant.

Question: So can I tell myself internally that I have already begun along some kind of path?

Answer: Probably, yes. You are already getting closer to self-examination.

Question: I remember you telling us how you were sitting with your teacher, sorting coffee beans. And it was really getting to you that you had to sort every single bean, every single bean.

Suddenly your teacher said to you: “Think this way: You are sorting this particular bean for your teacher, for the coffee your teacher will drink from this bean.” And so on. And this one, for example, is for the friends.

Tell me, at that moment, does this give a person strength? You essentially regarded your teacher almost like a father. Does that give a person strength?

Answer: To be honest, I don’t think I understood it fully at that moment. But in general, of course, it is a great example.

Question: Did your teacher Rabash, live this way?

Answer: He lived this way. I remember when he told me this, I realized that I was completely missing the point.

Question: So when a person finally understands that he is “not missing the point,” does that mean he has come out onto some kind of straight line, onto the path?

Answer: Yes. It is good for a person to reach this state.
[360798]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 8/19/26

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Question: While a child is still at an age when they can be influenced, do they subconsciously absorb the influence of their environment?

Answer: Yes. If a child remains in a specific environment until the age of thirteen, they will continue to develop according to its values. I saw this with my own children.

My youngest son suffered from allergies, and I was compelled to send him to Canada, a country with a northern climate. When he turned sixteen, I bought him a student travel pass, and with it, he traveled through twenty-seven countries in Europe. After that, he went to the Far East and India. In short, he traveled almost everywhere. I wanted him to discover the world.

After all that, he returned to Canada and said, “Never again! I do not need anything else.” Meaning, “Leave me alone.” Later, he got married, started a family, and that was it, no problems. Neither drugs nor anything else that could have negatively influenced him or affected him because he had been given a clear direction in life.

We see the same thing in our own children. Just look at how many examples there are here. You see an eighteen-year-old young man, strong and capable. You would think, “Go ahead and do whatever you want.” But no, he is interested in the wisdom of Kabbalah. He is here. He enjoys our television programs, our projects, and everything else we are doing.

Question: They like being here because they feel they have a kind of home base here. You create a certain environment for the children, a school and other activities, and they naturally gather around it. If this did not exist, where would they meet and interact with one another?

Answer: Naturally! How else could it be? Inevitably, we create such centers for them and for ourselves as well.

Wherever our friends are, they form groups, get together, hold lectures, lessons, and activities for children and women. They publish a newspaper and distribute it throughout their region. Naturally, their children also take part in all of this.

We are now opening a film school, as well as a video and audio production school. Our children will study there. Those who have a talent for writing children’s stories will start doing it there, and as they grow older, they will continue to advance. We want them to become dedicated disseminators.

We will arrange meetings with lawyers, psychologists, and other professionals for them. We will take them to museums, hospitals, and wherever else is beneficial. We will do everything possible to help a person discover the world.
[358413]
From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Kabbalah for teenagers” 10/12/10

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Comment: I clearly remember how, as a child, I was deeply attached to my parents. I depended on them greatly and listened to their opinions. For a child, what his father, mother, or grandparents says is extremely important. But then a stage comes when, no matter how he was raised, he breaks away from his parents and changes.

My Response: It is the environment! He comes under the influence of a different environment.

But in our community, it is different. Here, a child and his parents share the same outlook, the same goal in life, the same values, and the same sense of importance. Therefore, there is no conflict. The child passes through all these stages very smoothly. He sees that there is no contradiction: what he experiences at home, at school, and with the other children outside is all the same.

Let him see the world! Nothing is hidden from him. He will see that our view of the world is sober and true.

We educate our children so that by the age of eighteen they have completed both school and university.

Comment: Suppose the terminology we use sounds unusual when it comes from their mouths. People outside might react differently to these children.

My Response: I do not think so. What could be unusual about them? That they do not use the coarse language heard on the streets? So, they will simply speak differently. Today’s world is very mixed.

Comment: But they will still be different from other children.

My Response: They will differ in that they are more balanced, calmer, not easily influenced by outside pressures, and they know why and how to live. They will become very beneficial to everyone. It will be an entirely new generation, properly formed.

All this is possible because we have both the method and the force, the light, that will act upon them. But we cannot simply hand this over to outsiders and say, “Take it and use it.” They do not possess this inner feeling.

Therefore, children who have grown up within our educational method and reach adulthood at eighteen or twenty years of age become a true asset to humanity. They will form the layer of instructors that humanity lacks. Can you imagine how much they will be needed?

Comment: But they will also have a great ego. Couldn’t they still fall into all the temptations of this world?

My Response: No! That will not happen under any circumstances! We see this in our own young people. Those who have been raised in this way, the light does everything; not us.

Those who may fall into the temptations of this world are people who come to us from outside. There have been individuals who tried to build their own businesses on the basis of Kabbalah. How many have there been over the decades of our existence? Just a few. It simply does not happen.

It does not interest a person. He cannot think: “Who will respect me there? What will I gain? What will they give me?” because he has an entirely different system of values within him. You can see for yourself how we live.

Comment: I mean that sometimes people relapse because of personal predispositions, some toward alcohol, others toward something else.

My Response: If we are speaking about someone who came from the outside and had long-standing problems with drugs, alcoholism, or something similar, then yes. But I am talking about people who have been raised among us from birth. They simply do not have those tendencies.

You can see this in our children. They are not drawn elsewhere. They say: “We want to spend time with our own young women, build families among ourselves, organize a club for us. We do not want to meet outsiders. We do not even have anything to talk about with them,” and so on.

We already have children who grew up here, started their own families, and now have children of their own. This is how the next generation begins to emerge—the generation that came out of Egypt, the generation that already bears fruit.

Question: Do you place great hopes in the children?

Answer: Yes! I believe this is the most important thing. The most important!

We see what Moses did with the people who came out of Egypt. That generation which he led out of Egypt had to die in the wilderness. Only those who were born in the wilderness entered the Land of Israel. The same principle applies here.

I believe only in raising a person from the very beginning and giving him the correct direction in life; that is all. It will remain with him throughout his life. It will not leave him, because life itself will continually show him that he was formed correctly.

In this way, these children will receive an education and upbringing, become professionals in various fields, and be able to integrate into our system and work with us. And if not, they will be able to engage in any other profession they choose.
[358470]
From KabTV’s “I Got A Call. Kabbalah for Teenagers” 10/12/10

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Comment: The famous couturier Karl Lagerfeld managed to create his own image in fashion, and his statements are very popular. Yet it is surprising just how incredibly egoistic they are!

“I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people” (The Observer Magazine).

“Vanity is the healthiest thing in life” (The Guardian).

“I hate intellectual conversations with intellectuals because I care only about my own opinion” (The World According to Karl).

People marvel at the way he speaks.

My Response: He speaks very well, straight to the point. He truly expresses what comes from his own nature.

He stated his credo very succinctly, like an ordinary person albeit one who understands his nature. He is peaking the truth!

Question: What is it in his statements that fascinates people?

Answer: What captivates them is that he says things they are afraid to say.

Question: So this exists inside a person?

Answer: Naturally, because each of us is like that.

Question: Does a person have a feeling that vanity is the healthiest thing in life?

Answer: Of course, because vanity elevates us. What else in our world can raise a person above everyone else? What is considered victory, achievement, success? nothing but the fulfillment of vanity.

Question: But you are engaged in a science that does the exact opposite aren’t you?

Answer: I am, yes. But “real” people, people like him, they glorify this nature. But it is nature! Therefore, it cannot be denied.

I think he is right in expressing himself so beautifully. He opens people’s eyes to what they actually are.

Question: Should we somehow fight this or not?

Answer: Why should we? On the contrary, we must open people’s eyes to the fact that they are like this, and perhaps this will lead them to the recognition of evil.

Question: Is this precisely what you call upbringing? Revealing that is is who they really are to a person?

Answer: Of course, absolutely. Only the revelation of evil in a person will compel one to correct oneself, to see “This is my nature, and it is evil.”

I like talking with people who are opposite to me yet are open and frank. That is the truth. Truth stands above everything else. If we gloss over the truth, what will come of it? We will never be able to accomplish anything in our world. We will always limit ourselves to half-statements,  vague hints, and evasions. And then what?

Without the revelation of evil, you will not even know or understand what good is and what it ought to be, or how to build it as the opposite of evil.

For example, imagine looking at an article of clothing and seeing something bad, baffling, incorrect, crude, or repulsive about it. Then you realize: it is turned inside out! You simply need to reveal the right side. And so you reveal it. Evil and good are two sides of the same upper force.

Question: What is the ultimate formula for you?

Answer: It is written in Kabbalah that “Love covers all transgressions.” It means that there is no other way to attain love; it is impossible to achieve that “covering” or the transformation of all the evil within oneself.

Only after all transgressions are revealed do you realize that love must necessarily take their place! It must cover them all—not destroy them! They must exist together. Only together, when they help and nourish each other in this way, will they truly exist.
[246745]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 3/3/25

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Love disarms and deprives another person of their evil energy, and yourself as well.

Question: Why can’t we do this today? We very much want to, yet we cannot.

Answer: We are not accustomed to it. It has to become a part of our upbringing.

I had a very interesting incident in my youth. I used to tease a certain girl, and once I put my fist right up to her nose. And she kissed it. It stunned me completely! To this day I cannot forget it!

That was 65 or 70 years ago. Just imagine! And even now, when I recall it, I remember how unexpected it was for me, how utterly it disarmed me! I did not know what to do. I stood there confused, as though a bucket of filth had been poured over me! I suddenly felt who I really was.

It was terrible!

A single act like that, without words, without anything.

A terrible state!

Comment: And it remains. Listening to you tell this story now, I can see that it remains with a person for life.

My Response: Yes, it is within me. I still remember it.

Comment: It is a beautiful example! A very precise one.
[357669]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 6/8/26

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Question: How can we determine what is “truth” and what is “falsehood” if we ourselves create both?

Answer: Today we take various values, such as “truth” and “falsehood,” as standards or benchmarks. Yet all these things are relative. What appears to us as false today may seem to be truth tomorrow, and what seems to be truth today may appear as a falsehood tomorrow.

Everything depends on our egoistic development. The further we advance, the deeper we look into the surrounding nature and into ourselves. Therefore, there is no absolute standard either in nature as we perceive it or within ourselves; everything depends on the degree of our development. In that case, it is impossible to determine what is good and what is bad, what is true and what is false. All of it is highly relative.

However, if we were to discover the general law of nature—an absolute law that exists independently of man, not relative to him, not conditioned by the egoistic human being who undergoes development, but existing objectively in the surrounding reality—then, in accordance with that law, we would also come to know what truth is and what absolute falsehood is.

Then, through this, we would no longer be mistaken. On the contrary, we would be able to develop our attitude and our approach according to these standards. As a result, our development would truly become beneficial, desirable, and directed toward the good of the entire world.

Thus, the knowledge of the general law of nature and its implementation—not from the ego of man, but from the desire to come into balance and harmony with that universal law—is, in essence, the source of everything good. Through this we will come to a good life and truly discover what truth is and what falsehood is.
[236605]
From the Round Table of Independent Opinions, Berlin, 2006

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Comment: An ordinary person, even when suffering, cannot rise to a spiritual level until they are “hit over the head.”

My Response: Even when a person is suffering, they still do not hear us. If you take a stick and hit an animal, it runs away. It does not understand what you want from it. Likewise, when troubles fall upon a simple person, they do not understand what is being asked of them. “Just tell me what to do, and I will do it!”

And you tell them: “No, you need to think about the meaning of life.” They are completely bewildered. They do not understand what you want from them. Some instinct immediately kicks in to prevent them from going crazy, and they stop hearing you because your language sounds like that of an alien to them.

I understand this very well, and I do not address them directly. I have no complaints about them. That is why I always say to explain to the whole world in very simple language that such a method exists. “If you ever need it, here is the address. You do not have to run anywhere, or search for anything.”

And those in whom something has been ignited are welcome. For them there is real contact, help, and communication with us. There is no other way.

There is also a third approach that I very much want to bring to life: children’s education. Through this, I can show the world that it has no future. If there is no future for your children in the form that you are giving them, then there is no future for you either, not for your civilization, your family, or your marriage.

That is, you—mothers, fathers, grandparents—are unhappy because when you look at the younger generation, you see how it is “heading to the ground.” Seeing this happening to your own children makes life not seem worth living at all. It is incredibly hard for any person to watch children using drugs, engaging in prostitution, doing all kinds of things, the blurring of genders—all just to survive, and all of it empty.

When we see that the younger generation pays no attention to us, and we begin to feel almost the same toward them, something like rejection or aversion arises, and the question appears: “What should we do?”

And then you show them: “Look, it can be completely different” because it is in our hands. When a child is born, they lie in our arms; they are entirely ours. And while they are with us, we can shape them so that they will not drift away; they will remain connected to us, and no one will be able to take them away.

Therefore we will continue to develop together—children, parents, and grandparents—as one family. Children will not distance themselves from their parents, not because of insecurity or difficulty in exploring life, but because they will see entirely different possibilities that come from mutual connection with us.

Can you imagine what happiness is? Simple, earthly happiness for an ordinary person—this is what we need to show them. All the intellectualizing and endless proofs, none of that is needed. No one is interested in it.

We offer what no one else has or will have because only the light that you give a child during their upbringing shapes them into a human being somewhat similar to the Creator. The child does not even understand it, yet it is already within them and developing.

These children will become the light of humanity.
[356884]
From KabTV’s “I Got a Call. Kabbalah for Children” 10/12/10

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Question: You gave someone a hand, helped an elderly woman get off the bus; in your opinion, these are not good deeds?

Answer: And you live with the feeling that you are accumulating good deeds for the future.

Question: Still, these are good deeds, are they not?

Answer: No, you do this only for yourself. Remove your personal benefit from it, and you will disregard it all and do nothing.

Question: Then how should I live? By what should I measure my steps?

Answer: If you do not overcome your egoism and do not perform actions against it, then you will not perform a good deed. It will be sold in advance.

Question: Does it mean that I am bribed all the time?

Answer: Yes. If a person imagines that he is performing the very best deeds from which he will later receive some benefit, then it is all a failure in advance.

Question: Then with what intention should I act?

Answer: Expect absolutely nothing in return.

Question: That I will receive nothing for it, no benefit?

Answer: No benefit at all. There will be benefits for the world and for people, but nothing for me. As if no one knows about it, and no one will ever know.

Comment: That is, my name is nowhere; it is not carved in stone, nor mentioned in captions. It is nowhere.

My Response: No.

Question: So, I did something, and that is all?

Answer: Yes.

Comment: Now people in the arts (and not only in the arts) will collapse when they hear this. Do you understand? The entire copyright system is built on “this is my music, this is my creation; if you use it, you must pay,” and so on. The whole world is built on this! And we are going against the world.

My Response: Yes. You may write it down in a notebook only for yourself and then burn it. But even in such actions, when a person thinks about what he will gain from it, as if saving up for a rainy day, it is still good if he acts this way.

In fact, it does not give him any real benefit, but it is still good. There will be less evil in the world because of it. And good deeds will begin from a higher threshold, from a higher degree.

Comment: And these deeds, when a person truly says to himself, “Did I do a good deed? No matter whether I will get to heaven because of it or not, I simply do a good deed”.

My Response: He raises himself to a higher level, and from there he must begin to work.

Question: You know, we have now saved the world. Because the world looked at this and said: “This is impossible to achieve—faith above reason.” But you have now added such a step: do these deeds anyway. They will not yet be good deeds, but will they be a step toward good deeds?

Answer: Yes. And then a person must get used to performing such actions not for himself, but for the world. And here his soul begins to reveal itself to the world.

Question: What is this space called “the soul”? You said “reveals itself.” What kind of space is that?

Answer: It is an absolutely empty space that a person must fill with his desire.

Question: Toward the world? From himself? And nothing for himself?

Answer: Nothing.

Question: Is this the degree to which humanity is heading?

Answer: Yes.

Question: And can it reach it?

Answer: Of course.
[353174]
From KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman,” 2/12/26

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