A question I received: Why is it so difficult to admit that I am egoist and to find the evil within me?

My Answer: Because a person is a living being, he possesses a protective force. He has to protect himself, his life, his nature, and his “I” similar to how the peel (Klipa) protects an apple as long as it grows. If there is a defect in the peel, then the apple rots without ever reaching the state of ripeness. Therefore, the peel must always be there to protect it.

The ego is Klipa and must be protected as long as the desire within it grows. When the desire contained within becomes full, then the Klipa can be removed and the desire (the fruit contained within) used. Therefore, as long as we grow, our egoism constantly protects us by not allowing us to realize the evil because that evil is still insufficient. If there were no Klipa, we would cry and scream to the Creator like a small child who cries and calls out to his mother over every little occurrence that happens to him.

Our ego locks us up from within, making us a “stony heart” and preventing us from asking the Creator for correction. A person says, “I am a man and I won’t ask You for anything. Moreover, You will do whatever I want.” Thus, we oppose the Creator and wage a power struggle with Him. This is why Pharaoh said, “Who is the Creator that I should listen to His voice?” We want the Creator to do everything that we desire. We don’t turn to Him with a request, but with a demand.

Indeed, the demand has to be present, but it has to come from the full, ripe ego, the “evil inclination.” Reaching this takes time because it’s very difficult for a person to come to accept the fact that he is an egoist. Nevertheless, eventually, under the Light’s influence, one reaches the breaking point, a state called “the gate of tears” where a person feels that he has nothing.

At that point, a person is ready for anything. He says to the Creator, “Do what you will. I don’t care if I don’t receive anything. I don’t care if I have nothing. Just let me stop being who I am! Take away everything, but please take me out of this state! I cannot stand it any longer because I am opposite to bestowal.” This is the internal crisis point that has to become revealed in a person.

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