My Wife Is Against Me Studying Kabbalah
Question for ML: I have been passionately studying your materials for two months now, and I am thankful to you from the bottom of my heart. I am turning to you because of an arising crisis in my family – my wife is against me studying Kabbalah. She is not interested in changing toward the spiritual. I have tried to do nothing but give, without receiving, for about two weeks, but I don’t see any improvement. What can I do with regard to her, to receive help for mine and our mutual spiritual growth? I think that I’ll only be able to change myself. Will this affect my wife as well?
My Answer:
1. She’ll probably get used to it, so continue trying, and gently explain to her that you’re simply curious. This is because if you tell her with fervor that you’ve found everything you’ve ever wanted in life, then she’ll definitely be against it – after all, she is everything (that’s what egoism desires).
2. Convince her that it is a temporary interest. It has caught your interest and will soon pass LIKE USUAL (who really knows anyway?). You can bring her to the group and show her that it doesn’t harm the family, but on the contrary, strengthens it.
3. You need to show her that she and the family benefit from it; that the family benefits, and can only benefit, from studying Kabbalah.
4. In any case, a) don’t display how much it captivates you, b) go to the movies or out to eat once a week, c) take the children out for a walk, d) visit her mother and do other things – compensate…
5. Firmly point out that you are working on the soul, which is eternal, and not the family, which is temporary… and this is why you need it – and separate the two: The soul is higher, but everything in this world is for her. If it doesn’t work like this, then something in this world will need to change, since the soul is more important. Experience shows that women, for the most part, as well as men, accept and don’t interfere with their partner’s studies, and even participate in it passively. Moreover, they eventually become involved and get inspired by it.
My Current Mood: okay
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The Rav has given excellent advice. As a woman, I can tell that if you will follow advices 1-4, you will definitely make your wife feel better. Each woman ultimately desires that in her husband eyes, "She is everything". She wants to know and feel that she is the most important, wonderful and beautiful person. Good luck. P.S. I was actually very surprised to read that a WOMAN is against Kabbalah.
How can a woman encourage her husband to seek spirituality? My husband seems to have no interest at all. I am a beginning student and the last lesson spoke to us about the good environment. Sometimes I feel that he provides a bad environment for me by being so negative all the time. I don’t know how to change-or encourage him. I guess I should thank him in a way as it was my deep depression over our marriage that led me to find Kabbalah. I can find joy with this but I crave a mate that will understand with me and that I can look up to.
Thank you very much.
How does focusing on something other than the situation at hand help you function correctly. Isn’t that ignoring the situation and “burying your head in the sand”? Maybe the “Creator” is trying to teach you to pay attention to reality and the real world. Possibly that is why you are in the situation…you need to learn that.
I dont understand the basic tenant of Kabbalah…if you do something that hurts me, it isnt your problem…it’s mine. If you take this to the extreme of physical or emotional abuse…it sounds like a cop-out; a way to excuse your inhumaneness.